Throwing Family Away

Although I should have a blog ready to post, I didn’t feel like posting what I’ve written. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and with our upcoming family get together, I was thinking about family gatherings through the years. So many wonderful memories, yet so many missing family members over the years. Some to death, some to location, some because they’ve decided to throw family away.

This will be my first Thanksgiving without having any of our children here to celebrate with us. That they won’t be here comes as no surprise to me because of what their circumstances are at this time in their lives. However, I know that only 2 of 3 of our adult children would choose to spend holidays with our family.

When I think back over our Thanksgiving traditions, I could easily say that we have food traditions. We have most of the basic “turkey and trimmings” feast, along with pumpkin and custard pies, corn casserole, and other desserts and side dishes that have come and gone over the years. We first start our Thanksgiving Day celebration by having breakfast with friends. Although I don’t have an exact number on how many years we’ve been doing that, I’d say it’s approaching 20 years.

Although the food traditions aren’t wrong in any way, and we have come to expect to have certain dishes served, food is just the centerpiece of our celebration. The centerpiece is what’s placed on the table for people to talk over and around. Our Thanksgiving tradition focuses on family. Although we are grateful and we do take the time to thank God for the blessings he’s bestowed on each one of us, family is the reason for the gathering. Current news is shared, eyes are rolled over hearing the same stories yet another time. Much laughter, some tears and heartache. Another Thanksgiving Day spent sharing life; bonds grown another year stronger.

How, then, can a person throw away everything that has to do with their family? I realize that there are broken families in the world where a person doesn’t feel loved or safe in any way. But what about the good families that have been broken because of one person deciding that they don’t want to be a part of that family anymore. I never thought that I would be part of a broken family. Tim and I have been happily married for 32 years and grow closer with each passing year. My parents have been married for 54 years—pretty sure I’m safe there. I never thought that a child would be the cause of our broken family.

How does a person feel when they have years of family traditions and memories? Do they try to incorporate some of those memories into new memories with their new family? Have those memories that mean so much to the rest of us, become like a poison to them so they try to purge them from their minds? Do they remember with fondness the family times we’ve all shared or are their memories tainted so that the very things that bring us together every year with expectation make them feel trapped, inferior, or somehow unloved?

Children don’t have a choice of what family they’re part of in the way that someone becomes part of a family through marriage. The growing-up years are typically full of stories, songs, quotes, traditions, foods, expectations, hurts, love and togetherness that help form who we become as an adult. If, by choice, we throw all of those things away, what does that leave us? Who are we without our past?

Those who choose to throw family away will quite possibly go on to have a wonderful Thanksgiving and will more than likely have much to be thankful for. Do they give any thought to the broken family that they’ve left behind? Do they know that although our table looks full and we still celebrate as a family, we will never be truly complete without them? Do they understand that part of our Thanksgiving Day prayer is for them to choose to come back?

Family is worth the effort. Family is worth working through whatever troubles may come along the way. Family is our heritage, both to receive and to pass on. Although our family is broken, we will continue our family Thanksgiving Day traditions with those who remain. We will connect in some way with those who can’t join us, we will be saddened by those who make the choice to stay away. But above all, we will continue to go to God with thanksgiving, knowing that He hears our prayers and will cover us with peace.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 4-7 (italics added)